Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Honk if You're Brave

Having recently been involved in a tense road-rage situation, I’m fairly keen not to find myself in that position again.

Driving along a busy three-lane road, a car zoomed into my lane really dangerously. He barely cleared my car as he changed lanes is what I’m saying.

So I gave him a toot. Just a tiny toot, not a big bleeping foghorn or anything. And no rude hand gestures. Just a little whispery beep.

Big mistake.

He put his brakes on and started a kind of ‘front-gating’ routine. Little bursts of speed then the brakes, taunting me. I couldn’t take my eyes off the back of his car long enough to get into another lane. I had the kids in the car too, so my biggest fear was that he would stop and get out of his car to ‘discuss’ the issue with me.

Eventually I was able to turn into a side street and lose him but I was more than a little shaken that he was prepared to punish me so harshly for that tiny reprimanding beep of the horn.

I don’t know about you but when I hear a beep I’m a bit less aggressive than that guy was. My first instinct is to check the traffic lights, or freak out thinking I might be going down a one-way street the wrong way or something. And if I catch myself inadvertently doing something wrong I give a little wave to the other driver and hope they understand that it’s a ‘sorry’ wave, not a ‘suck on that’ wave.

Things would be much easier if we had pop-up signs, instead of the ambiguous beep or wave. Then I could be super polite so I don’t incite any more road-rage incidents.

Here are a few pop-up signs I would like to use:

  1. Excuse me … I don’t think that light will get any greener than it already is, so perhaps you could head off soon. Just finish that text message first though. I can wait.
  2. Merging lanes usually means one for one, but how clever of you to roar up the outside and push in at the front. I bet nobody else thought of that. Genius.
  3. That fish-tail and smoking tyres manoeuvre certainly was impressive. I’m sure you have a large penis.
  4. No, don’t worry. I know you should have given way to me but you were obviously busy finishing off the Corn Flakes box you found your licence in.
  5. Ooops, so sorry that you nearly crashed into me when you swung so widely around the corner. Let me know you’re coming next time and I’ll park on the kerb until you’re done with my lane.

Yep. That should sort everything out in a nice, friendly way.

Can you think of any other ‘polite’ messages you would give other drivers?


  1. Hilarious... for me it's a:

    Hi there, yes, I see you're becoming very anxious about my travelling along this single-lane highway at the actual speed limit. I'll pull over to let you pass me just as soon as we reach the corner where, being a frequent traveller, I know the police car will be hiding.Please feel free to roar on past me over the double lines.

    1. Ha ha. Thanks Wendy.
      Speed limits always seem to be a debatable point for some people around here too.

  2. Hey there, I found you via the NaBloPoMo blogroll.

    I have a different problem - my VW Polo has a horn that sounds like a clown car. People take zero notice of it. On one drive a few weeks ago, three separate people drifted totally onto the wrong side of the road while I was following them. Three times I used the horn, three times they paid no attention at all.

    I have asked the other half to install a proper warning device, one that makes people notice I beeped, at least! ;)

    More scarily, I am sure those people were looking at their phones. They were looking down at something in their hand, anyway. All 3 of those incidents could have ended in a head on collision :(

    As part of NaBloPoMo I try to comment on as many participating blogs as I can, and I some of the add participating blogs to my feed reader.

    So I'm just dropping by to let you know I've added your blog to my feedreader, I'm reading you loud and clear, I have a link up going at my place so my readers can find participating blogs which you are more than welcome to add your blog link to.

    Looking forward to seeing your posts, and you'll likely see me drop by again during November.

    Happy NaBloPoMo to you!

  3. One word - bogans!
    They drive aggressively where we live too. I can't wait to leave my suburb! Sorry you had this experience. I have had similar too. I just don't understand these people.

    1. Yes, agree, and same, Jody. People say there are bad elements in every suburb, but I am certain (because I can compare places I've lived within the last 10 years) that there is a big difference in some areas. Thanks for commenting, Jody!

  4. It worries me how angry people are instantly....Not a good sign for our civilisation

    1. Some people are just dicks, Lydia. And there seems to be more around every day!

  5. How about, Thanks for NOT waiting for me to pass before turning into the street where I was the last car (and then doing 25km/h).'

    1. LOL. Sounds like this might have happened to you today, Kaz.

  6. Ha ha. I like lots of 'nice' comments when I am driving. Other drivers give me lots of fuel for 'nice' comments. Just today I was waiting for an oncoming car to turn left, before I turned right into the same street. Instead of waiting for me to turn, a car pulled out in my path, while I waited. I was all up in like ' What's your hurry dude!'. Amazes me how much of a hurry people are in that they have to break the law!

    1. Yep, Everyone's in a hurry and doing stupid stuff. They should leave home earlier, stay off the bad meds, or learn the rules.

  7. Haha these are so good and number 3 certainly got a chuckle. I swear drivers are getting worse around here. I know everyone makes mistakes but some of these people aren't just making mistakes they are more than likely constantly breaking the road rules and just generally making trouble on the road.

    Hi, I'm sorry but you seem to have forgotten your indicators location, if you don't mind I can show you where it is.
    I'm sorry my car is in the location where you wish to put your car , if you wouldn't mind just going a few more meters before trying to get infront of me rather than trying to push me out of my lane.
    Hi, would you mind sticking to your lane going around an intersection but if you can't it is okay I'll make sure you don't hit me in my lane which you seem to think is yours.
    Hi I understand that you are trying to come in and park your car but if you don't mind I waiting I was parking my car here first before you tried to drive past but as you are an impatient twat I don't mind listening to your car horn, it is nice accompaniment to my parking music.

    1. Country Mouse, your last suggestion made me LOL. Being an 'impatient twat' is, in my opinion, the cause of most problems on the road.