Maybe it’s the pressure of constantly finding something to fill page space, but the media, particularly the ‘women’s mags’ are way too predictable when it comes to catching our attention in December.
- Lots of tantalising recipes for festive party food, cocktails, and lavish Christmas Day feasts.
- How and why we should avoid eating and drinking too much of those wonderful festive treats at Christmas parties and Christmas Day gatherings.
- How to chop up leftover ham or turkey on Boxing Day and stick it in some re-hashed recipe that requires the purchase of 17 additional ingredients.
- Canapé, cocktail and outdoor entertaining ideas for New Year’s Eve.
- More party advice about not getting too liquored up on New Year’s Eve.
- Hangover cures for New Year’s Day, assuming most people have ignored the advice about the whole liquored up thing.
- New Year’s Resolutions, again with the food and the drink and all of the other things to do more or less of during the first few days of the new year.
Perhaps the greatest journalistic gems can be found in the articles about keeping an eye on your waistline during the party season.
I’ve selected a few of my favourite snippets from various sources of print and online media over the past few weeks.
I really should have shared them earlier because if you didn’t catch these sage pieces of advice in the media you will probably be already on your way to some form of food and/or beverage rehab facility.
Here we go then:
1. “Chew gum at a party so you won’t be tempted to eat too much.”
Yep, that will probably work. If you’re about 15 years old.
2. “Alternate between a glass of water and a glass of alcohol.”
This only works for people who don’t need the advice anyway. True fans of the demon drink will be kissing that glass of water goodbye after 5 minutes.
3. “Position yourself on the other side of the room to the food and drinks table.”
This could be a bit tricky at the office Christmas Party, especially if the company big wigs are right there having a private chat. But once you explain that you need to be away from the ‘bad table’ I’m sure they’ll understand.
4. “Calorie Swap: instead of 1 cup of eggnog (223 calories) have a glass of Sangria (173 calories).”
Yes, boozehounds, that’s right, instead of 10 eggnogs you could have 13 Sangrias. Oh wait, what? You’re just meant to have one, and save the 50 calories? Until when?
5. “Wear a firmly fitting garment.”
The gist of this tip is that you will be too busy sucking in your gut to fall prey to the temptation of food. If this kind of strategy is the only remaining barrier between you and the mini quiches you probably shouldn’t be allowed out unsupervised anyway. Just eat the damn quiches.
6. “Fill up on healthy food, like salad or cereal, before you go to the party.”
NB. This will not work in conjunction with the previous tip.
7. “Swap 15 Christmas M&Ms (147 calories) for 6 fresh strawberries (96 calories).”
Sounds like a good plan. I just hope the M&Ms don’t melt in my hand before I find the person with the 6 strawberries.
And if you had to battle through the festive season without these pearls of wisdom from the media, don’t worry – January will bring a fresh onslaught of page-fillers with catchy banners like ‘Summer Diet Tips’, ‘Holiday Cleansing’, and ‘New Year, New You’.
Anyway, I must rush. Those Christmas Day leftovers aren’t going to eat themselves, are they?